Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter

I’m reminded of a guy I shared an office with for about a year or so… He made up songs that I still sing to myself. We shared the same appetite for food and constantly snacked during the day. We had slim jims and coffee for breakfast, we both had intestines of steel. He had played college ball and had been so lucky as to marry his high school sweetheart, the cheerleader, who is now an OBGYN… I would vent on a daily basis about relationship issues and he would listen. He always gave me thoughtful advice and would dissect the actions of the person in question in a way that always seemed to mean that I deserved better. We got along well, but during deadlines his tardiness and jokes annoyed me… I would shoot him double stink eyes when he walked into our office late; his response: ‘I’m married… I eat those looks for breakfast’ (dropping his laptop bag into his chair and heading for the coffee machine).

Ahhhh, but what I remember most about him is that every day, EVERY day, we would overeat at lunch and come waddling back to our desks… complaining we should have mandatory nap time… discussing what we would have for dinner that would top the feast we just gorged on… and then, he would walk over to our blinds that lined an entire wall in our office, and without a pause in conversation he would take the cord and wrap it around his neck. He would hang his head to the side and stick his tongue out a little, close his eyes, and give the cord a little jerk… then, back to the desk and back to work… We both knew we had it good, awesome coworkers, awesome boss, awesome job… but there was just that one instant everyday that made you want to escape where you were and go somewhere else. Stop. Fast-forward about 3 years, a wedding and a move across the globe, I’m on a plane leaving Dubai and these stupid little window coverings have no cord… Poop…

Our trip to Dubai was just what I needed. I overindulged the entire weekend and I never once felt bad about it. We stayed with Nic and Jocy, two dear friends from high school that God so thoughtfully placed in Dubai about 4 months before we moved to the Middle East. The flight was only about an hour and a half from Kuwait, not even long enough to finish a movie. Peter and I hopped off the plane and went straight to the duty free shop to load up on the good stuff. I felt like a kid in a candy store!!! Peter headed straight to the scotch section while I was doing cartwheels down the rows and rows of wine filled shelves. I wanted to get a running start, slide on my knees with a straw in my hand all the way down the aisle and then pop that sucker into a boxed wine box and down it like a juice box!

There are no liquor stores in Dubai, and places that serve (fancy hotels and private clubs) charge you an arm and two legs for a cocktail. The only place you can really BUY bottles of booze is the airport, so we stocked up! The duty free shop allows 4 liters per person (liquor) OR 4 bottles of wine OR a case of beer. I totally over packed (shocker) and we wheeled our bags and duty free purchases around the airport until we could find somewhere to exchange our dinars for dirhams. Now, while our dollar is super weak in Kuwait, the dollar is worth much more in Dubai – but don’t be fooled, they jack the prices up on everything to compensate. We took a cab to their apartment – which is AWESOME! Check out the views from their balcony!

Yes, those are covered hot tubs on the balconies of the top floors!

Do you fancy a dip in the pocket pool while your dog enjoys the only patch of grass in the Desert?

There's still a TON of construction going on, much like Kuwait, but it has slowed down tremendously here in Dubai...

They gave us the grand tour and we enjoyed a couple drinks before hailing a cab to take us to our next destination. Our cab driver’s name was Jiggar and he was HILARIOUS! This guy was rocking a mullet and was all smiles. He was super friendly and let me take a pic with him, silly Americans… We stepped out of the cab and I could already hear the party! We paid a fee and walked through a gate and on to the patio portion of a hotel; the beach was just beyond it. We ordered a few drinks and then headed down to the beach. There was a huge stage built right on the sand equipped with a ginormous sound system and fluorescent lights. I felt like I was in a music video! Drink in one hand and sandals in the other; we wiggled through the crowd of dancing strangers and to an open area near the water. You could see the Palm and Hotel Atlantis a ways off… I can’t believe this place is REAL!!

I've GOT to get a better camera... but this is the best I can do for now...

Peter was thrilled to be drinking a label beer... the things we took for granted!

The next morning we headed to Dubai Mall, Peter should never let me loose in there on my own… It puts every mall in the world to shame. There was a huge fish tank right in the middle filled with sharks, fish and other underwater life – you can snorkel in it too! We bought tickets for the next morning to tour Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world. It doesn’t really seem all that tall b/c it’s so skinny, but there was a feature in the gallery that placed Burj Khalifa in other cities around the world and, given the perspective, Burj Khalifa DWARFED all the other buildings. After grabbing a bite and walking around a bit, we took a cab to a Go-Kart place out in the desert. Peter and Nic drove while Jocy and I watched a race or two and then retreated to the A/C. We had plans to go to a party out on the Palm right after and I didn’t want to show up a stinky, sweaty mess.

Purdy fishees...

I swear we met the friendliest peeps on this trip. The hi-rise apartment we went to on the Palm was decorated straight out of a magazine and its adorable owner was the most gracious host. He mixed drinks, served food and blasted Madonna’s latest concert on DVD all night. Glass doors slid open to reveal a patio that overlooked the biggest swimming pool I’d ever seen and the beach. There were people swimming in the pool and they looked like little bugs, moving their little appendages and not seeming to get very far at all. I overheard one of Peter’s and Nic’s conversations with a Swedish dude at the party:

Peter: Yea, my wife and I just moved from Texas to Kuwait a few weeks ago.

New friend: WOW! Texas? You guys like LOVE Chuck Norris over there, huh?

Peter: (not taking this guy seriously) Yea, Chuck Norris can divide by zero…

Nic: Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice. (Both Peter and Nic laughing at the hilarity of the situation)

New friend: (completely put off and totally confused) Really?? I thought Chuck Norris was a really big deal over there???

It was a late late night...

Peter and I barely made it to our tour of Burj Khalifa the next morning! I could describe this experience to you, but thankfully I found a post on YouTube that will do just that! Check it out!

Tour of Burj Khalifa on YouTube

I’m embarrassed to say that due to my overindulgence the night before, I lost my cookies once the tour was over. I was really hoping there was a bathroom I could have found IN Burj Khalifa b/c at least I could say that I threw up in the tallest building in the world, but I know Peter’s proud that I refrained until we reached the food court bathrooms in the mall… After our tour we met Nic and Jocy for a brunch marathon at the Movenpick Hotel. You are greeted with a glass of champagne and then the feasting BEGINS! (Pause: Lydia just put on her big girl panties!) There were stations set up all around the room and some nestled into corners. There was a crepe station, sushi bar, lobster, crab, shrimp, cheese station, bread station, Arabic food, Indian food, Chinese food, noodle station, dessert bar, fruit/salad bar… You name it they had it… We ate for 4 hours. It was beautiful.

We went to a party that night at the villa of a friend of Nic and Jocy’s. They had hot dogs and burgers AND margaritas!!!! It was like we were back in the states! Everyone assumed we were living in Dubai and when I shared in conversation that we were actually living in Kuwait I got some sympathetic ‘wow, how is that’s. A couple times I launched into the ‘cons’ list that I’ve been keeping track of in my head, but then after a few margaritas my response was just, ‘ohhhhh, you knowwwww, it’s different (head nodding, slurp margarita from sipping straw)’.

Our last day, we walked around the area where Nic and Jocy live and tried to decide on a restaurant. We settled for Italian, mmmm! After filling our bellies we headed back up to the apartment for a little movie/nap time. Jocy and I decided on ‘My Sister’s Keeper’ and Peter and Nic took bets on who would cry first. I don’t know who won the bet – but I looked like a ran freakin marathon after that movie was over! My tears had found their way down my neck and soaked the ring of my top… What a sad movie!!! I’m just glad I didn’t watch it on the plane!! :-/

Can you hear me now??

Dubai Airport

One for the road...

Peter and I took a silent cab ride to the airport… We were both super sad to leave our newly found desert oasis… I’ve been pouting for the last 2 weeks since returning from our trip. Staying in corporate housing was fun at first, but playing house for the last 6 weeks in a house that isn’t mine is getting a leeetle oldddd… Patience is a virtue, my tooter! COMEON FREIGHT SHIPMENT!!! LETS GET THIS SHOW ON THE FREAKIN ROAD ALREADY!!!!!!!!