Adios Kuwait - 2010

*Note: New Year's Resolution = fail. This was written Dec. 16th in the airport on my way home for Christmas. Howevs, I had no internet and subsequently forgot about this post until I returned to Kuwait. Ooooops.... :-/

K, so I’m in Dubai… 6-hour layover until we board the plane destined for Htown. Peter made big talk about having cocktails and really tying one on before the 17 hour trek, but what is he doing right now??? He’s grabbing some Zs… yea… IN THE BAR… and me?? I’m waiting on this chick to bring me another vodka and rubbing my hammertoe. Yea, I took my shoes off. IN THE BAR. Whatever. I tried to be cute and wear boots (no heel) and now my dogs are paying for it.

I made a few New Year’s Resolutions. One is to blog at least once a week. I think it’s good for me. You know…. Just to sit down and let my brain vomit all over the World Wide Web. It’s therapeutic. And maybe I won’t lay awake at night like I have been for the last several weeks.

So, first things first… what I’ve been up to… well, since my last blog I’ve taken a few trips, made a LOT of ice, spent an ungodly amount of time in my bathrobe, cooked my tooter off (that includes my very 1^st Thanksgiving dinner, thankyouverymuch), schooled some foreigners in flip cup and beer pong and have developed a very inappropriate relationship with cookies.

WHERE’S MY VODKA?? Sheesh, these people have no urgency… anypoops. I should have blogged about this weeks ago, but I attended my very 1^st Kuwaiti wedding! Since I arrived in Kuwait EVERYONE has told me that if I ever have the opportunity to attend a Kuwaiti wedding that I MUST. So. I did. And let me tell u… it was completely OVER THE TOP. I mean, I got muh hurr and make up did (all profesh, thanks Libra!), wore a gown and STILL managed to feel completely underdressed…. The décor was fab and the ladies rivaled the most dazzling drag queens I’ve ever seen, but somehow, they’ve managed to suck the life out of all things wedding related that I simply adore!

OMG, WHERE’S MY VODKA?? This is ridiculous…  I’m parched! How can Peter be sleeping with the stupid loud airport announcements every few minutes? He amazes me! K, back to the wedding. First, the ladies have a separate reception from the men. So basically, I got all dressed up to prance around in front of. Ladies. Oh, and by prance, I mean walk a catwalk and wave to myself… Yea, that’s how it’s done here. I mean, I really like to shake it. I get down at weddings. I bust out moves I didn’t even know I had… I mean, it’s a WEDDING, a CELEBRATION, time to break it down proper. But no… there was no Kanye, no Beyonce, no Rihanna… just some chick singing in Arabic with her mouth practically pressed right on to the microphone… cool, I don’t know this jam… but I’ll play along. The seats are like stadium seating, picture bleachers of women on both sides of a room with a catwalk down the middle leading to a platform with 2 ‘thrones’ on it <----- oh, those are for the bride and groom??? Ooops…. So my friends and I danced. We blended in, oh ‘cept for the hair and light skin and…come on… we weren’t fooling anyone. But all the ladies were so friendly and took my hand and we danced/pranced down the catwalk. I fought the urge to bust out a ‘funky chicken’ halfway down the stage. Minor prob, I could NOT control my facial expressions… It was like I was in drill team all over again… open mouth, big smile, over exaggerated enthusiasm…. I realized I hadn’t been on a stage in a decade…  Which is funny, bc the whole point of this catwalk extravaganza is to show off in front of potential mother-in-laws and show what kind of goods u have to offer her son… weird. I was able to suppress the facial spasms by just looking down at the floor and continuing to wave at myself. I’d post pics, but they have wedding Nazis at the door that probe ur purse for cameras and phones. God forbid any of the ladies are captured on film without their abayas on. Respect. I would have uploaded those straight to FB… good call wedding Nazis… good call.

MMMMMMmmmmm, Vodka cran…. Just what I wanted. Thanks lady. So yea, to answer ur question, I totally rocked an abaya. I want to wear it everywhere now. I thought I couldn’t leave the house in my bathrobe, but now, I totally can…

All the ladies were dressed so completely over the top that I found myself starring, which is considered rude where I’m from…. But they starred right back so fekkit. The hair!!! OMG, was there a beach ball in there??? The makeup!!!! Did a circus master apply that??? Unbelievable, but strangely intriguing… what I found so sad is that these ladies went to all this effort and there were no men there to oogle them… to tell them they looked smokin’ and drop cheesy lines to make them blush. Such a shame, really…. The no alcohol thing really drained the urge to party. I realized they’ve managed to take just about all the fun out of attending a wedding when I saw the buffet.  It didn’t open until midnight, for one. For two, ur given a plate and a spoon… then, it’s a free for all. Ladies literally take their spoon and sample a dish and if they like it, they help themselves… if not, on to the next chafing dish. Oh my pukey pants…. Libra and I piled some stuff on our plates just to participate and then gingerly abandoned them at a table that was already overloaded with dirty dishes.

Let’s review: No alcohol, no ‘dancing’, no sit down dinner, no ceremony (at least guests aren’t invited for that part), no cameras…. No men…. Oh, except for the time when the groom and his entourage enter and ‘dance’ down the catwalk towards his wife (this is the very first night she’ll spend in her new home, which happens to belong to her in-laws…. exciting, right?). They throw money in the air and make all kinds of noise and hand gestures, all amidst a sea of black. All the ladies are warned before the men enter. Abayas are donned and there is no sequin, sparkle or cleavage to be seen.  After the groom sits next to his bride (God, I still feel bad for the poor thing), the men leave and it’s back to tramping it up down the catwalk.  All in all, it was an interesting night. But if it wasn’t for Meg, Libra and Jen and those 4 bottles of wine we had before the leaving the house, I’m not sure I would have enjoyed myself.

WOW… my husband sleeps like a CHAMP! Every now and then he wakes up and realizes there’s a beer in front of him and he takes a big gulp and then back to sleep… I should take a pic… one moment please. Bless him’s heart…

Ok, just 2 more hours and I’m on my way home… I can’t wait to see Christmas trees/lights! Cold weather! Fam and friends!

Here’s to a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all the loved ones in my life. I’m signing off to do my best to induce some kind of alcohol related drowsiness before I embark on this plane ride.

Cheers!